Thursday, April 21, 2011

Top Meeting Quotes

Since you know where I work ... you can guess where these came from ... enjoy!
 
*      I wouldn't exaggerate that in 100 million years.
*      How could such a bad plan go so horribly wrong?
*      When you use age as an excuse almost anything is impossible.
*      working in export control is like entering a career cul-de-sac
*      As soon as you have 2 people you have organization problems
*      Are we averaging the colors?
*      My ignorance on this subject is advanced
*      Your lips say "no" but your business card says " BCA Sales"
*      State of the art Stupidity
*      Half the world is half a world away
*      Velocity is slowing us down.
*      Shooting ducks in a barrel.
*      All that means is you've done the appropriate violation of the ground rules
*      it's like trying to goose a ghost
*      Can you go back to the next chart
*      We will put all the data in a suppository for you
*      We gotta fall behind early so we have more time to catch up
*      whenever the cowboy starts bucking before the horse, the outcome's never good
*      I didn't make a bad decision. I made a good decision but the outcome was bad.
*      We will not be surprised by anything we know today
*      We don't need your help. We're good enough to develop our own problems
*      I don't even know how to spell incompetent let alone be one
*      Our business model has reached the end of its lifecycle
*      Nothing is worse than an orchestra full of first chairs
*      We need to re-grope
*      The risk is that it doesn't happen
*      I am as mad as a stockholder
*      4-Star mad
*      The data looks good, too bad it's wrong
*      Transferring work to someone else is not work
*      I'm only right because I'm ignorant
*      Heck with the agenda let's just play rock n roll
*      Holy Smokey Wokey
*      Holy Smokey cows
*      Nobody can say what they want. So we will spend the next few weeks talking about what we don't want.
*      If work were fun we'd still be plowing fields with sticks
*      If you try to pitch that chart your kids will be without a father
*      Your analysis says the addressable market is larger than the GDP of all but three counties of the world
*      I love stories because if they are good it doesn't matter if they are true or not.
*      If we have to do any work we failed
*      I miss being a customer.
*      I.T. and drug traffickers are the only people that call their customers "Users"
*      I have not yet begun to ignore your request.
*      We're just putting out fires with a flamethrower here.
*      We will set the precedence and let those that follow challenge it.
*      The actuals line is the forecasted actuals, not actual actuals so it is confusing.
*      To be successful, we need to put blinders on to what is happening.
*      If we consider one data point a trend, we've turned a corner to the road of health.
*      We're not at any point at this point.
*      He is out there shaking babies and kissing hands.
*      I guess we could get down to brass tactics
*      This is a status meeting, not see how things are going, meeting
*      Unlikely events seem impossible when they lie in the future
*      All mental models are wrong, some are useful
*      Whoa - Somebody stepped on a stink bug
*      It's the Halloween strategy - we pay attention to who is screaming the loudest
*      You're doing a five axis wiggle on this issue
*      Aside from the goofiness the numbers look good
*      This will only drive customer loyalty if the customer knows about it
*        (cell phone vibrates under the table) Don't look at me. I don't have anything that sounds like that.
*      You are better than you look!
*      Not to kick a dead horse down the road...
*      He's in his "Lou" bubble.
*      ISO9006? What if we work real hard and only get to ISO9004.
*      That truck was 4 tons of rust flying in close formation.
*      OK, well I'm off to where the carpets are thick and the minds are thin.
*      He's like a dark hole of intellect!
*      The proof in the pudding is when the rubber meets the road.
*      We're asymptotically approaching completion.
*      This chart is like blowing a dog whistle - Nobody can hear your message